Not yet 40, phew…….

It was my birthday a couple of days ago; I was 39.  For the last year though, I have been telling everyone that I am “almost 40”, and I have even  booked part of my 40th birthday celebrations already (a girls trip to Ibiza to experience the laid back yoga vibe and the party scene – balance, you know) so turning 39 feels pretty good; like I’ve just been given a bonus year.  This, for some reason, has made me determined to spend the next year working on myself so that when I do actually reach the big 4 0, I am ready for it.  I want to know myself and be happy with how I look and feel…I want to have found inner peace damn it!!!

I’m not really sure what that means for me at the moment as currently I am a bit confused.  I want to listen to my body and eat and exercise depending on how I feel on any given day, but I also want the body of an athlete.  I don’t want to be vain and focus on aesthetics, but I also want the body of an athlete.  You see where the confusion is coming from?  I guess it’s the old me and the wanna be newer me fighting for superiority and my poor body (and mind) is all over the place.

I know for sure that I want to live in a spiritual way and I am trying to have faith that by making this my main focus, everything else will fall in to place.  I am trying to figure out what works for me and what doesn’t.  I having been doing yoga consistently most days for a while now as well as walking as often as I can and over the last month or so I’ve been incorporating some gentle running again.  I’ve built back up from scratch, putting zero pressure on myself with regards to time and speed and I’ve been loving it.  I’ve found a great yoga routine specifically for runners on which I’ve been doing after every run and I haven’t ached once; it really does the trick.  Next week I’m going to start introducing some weights again, keeping it low impact.  It’s hard for me not to try to give myself a routine or a set of rules, like I need to run at least 4 times per week and I’ll always do weights on a Wednesday, but as I said, I’m trying to listen to my body and only do what I feel will benefit me on any given day.  This goes against everything I’ve even known or done and is really hard for me but I do think it is the right thing for me going forward.

I’ve also committed to doing some form of writing every day for the next year.  This, I do need to force myself to do; I want it to become habit..the norm for me.  If I want to be a writer, I need to write whether I feel like it or not.  Hopefully this time next year, I’ll have something to show for it and at least part of my income will come from my writing.

Over the next year, I am going to do everything I can to be the best version of me that I can be; not judging or competing with anybody else and certainly not trying to become a different person, rather being my best self.  Don’t get me wrong, I am super happy with and grateful for the life that I lead.  I am surrounded by people who love and support me and I know how lucky I am to live such a fulfilling life.  But I want to make sure that I am living to my fullest potential and at the moment, I feel like I have a lot more to offer.

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