I’ve put the weighing scales in the loft. I think I may have done this before (I know I have done this before) and I have probably written about it before as well but this feels different; this time I feel like I really mean it. My reason for doing this is, I’m sure, pretty obvious. Like most people, I don’t like what the scales tell me and I want to be lighter (of course). Therefore, they’ve got to go.
It’s ridiculous, I can be eating and training well and feeling great but if I step onto the scales and don’t like what I see, it can ruin my day. I’m not oblivious to the fact that the number on the scales can be affected by any number of things and isn’t a true representation of how healthy I am and yet I place so much emphasis on those three little numbers. I can get so disheartened when I step onto them and they haven’t moved (or heaven forbid they have gone up) and then on the other side of the coin, it can make my day if they’ve gone down a pound or two. But what does it actually matter when the next week it’ll probably go back up again? I don’t even know myself.
It’s not like I have gained loads of weight; I have been pretty much the same weight my whole adult life give or take a couple of pounds. Of course I have times when my clothes feel a little tight (usually after Christmas or at the end of a two week holiday in America – their portion sizes are huge!) but for the most part my weight is pretty stable. It’s like for my entire adult life I have been striving for this elusive number on the scales and that when I get there then I’ll be happy. I don’t even know where the target number came from.
Like I say, I have always looked much the same and still I have spent all of these years striving towards perfection and nothing has changed. What a waste of time and energy – I could have just been eating chips and enjoying myself. The reason I probably haven’t lost any weight is because I don’t really need to. People look at me like I’m crazy if I tell them that I’m not happy with the way I look and the sane part of me knows that they are right. Also, I may have ideas about looking like these fit chicks on Instagram, but I know how much effort goes into it and if I’m honest, I know it’s not where I’m headed; that’s not my path.
I was reading a post from personal trainer Chloe Madeley recently where she explained that although she mostly posts pictures of her shredded bod, she actually only looks like that for a few weeks of the year because it is just to difficult to maintain for any length of time. So before a shoot or a holiday, she’ll train like a maniac and eat on point for six weeks, she will then look amazing for a couple of weeks and before returning to her normal size. Another fitness expert, Anna Victoria, is known for posting honest photos on her account. She will take two pictures, seconds apart, that will look completely different – shredded on the first, stomach rolls in the second. It made me realise that these people with “perfect physiques” often pose at their most flattering angles and only post pictures of their best selves. Of course there are exceptions to this, some people are just that genetically blessed.
I love that honestly from Chloe and Anna; it’s so refreshing. It made me realise that to look like that would take up far too much of my time and it is not something I am prepared to do. And sure, I could suck in and pose and snap my best side, but for what? What’s the point if I don’t feel great about myself the rest of the time. Which is why I am trying to come away from worrying about aesthetics and the number on the scales and just focusing on my health and how I feel in myself.
Don’t get me wrong, ditching the scales, hasn’t made me feel like a super model; I CAN still see! I’m still not happy with my tummy and I’d like to be a little taller (I jest) but by taking away that added pressure, I feel like I’ll remain more balanced. I hope that this will be a permanent thing; it’s a big thing for me to let go of because it has be present my entire adult life. I feel like letting go of this is an important step in my journey and I feel ready for it.