I had a really positive day yesterday. I felt so inspired at the thought of making the changes I wanted to make and being able to maintain them that I felt like a new person already. In fact, I thought that now I had the tools to make the changes, it would be easy. I felt great all day. Even though I’d had a bad night the night before, I trained hard, I ate well, I didn’t eat after my dinner, I spent quality time with my daughter, I wrote my blog, I made notes on the habits book and I still managed to have a couple of hours to read before bed. Then I turned in at a reasonable time and meditated before going to sleep.
This morning I woke up with the same positive frame of mind. I trained early, I made myself some healthy home-made yogurt care of Deliciously Ella (note to self, use less water next time, it was more like a smoothie – I drank it), I sorted some washing out, I made a healthy lunch (boiled egg and salad, with a little cheese). But at the same time I’ve felt really de-motivated and lethargic. I’m working from home today and I have spent most of the day procrastinating which in turn is making me feel guilty because I’m not doing what I should be doing. When I work from home, I am great if I have plenty to do. In fact more often than not, I work when I don’t have to – I’m always checking my work emails in the evenings and on the weekend. But on the days when I know I am meant to sit down for 6 straight hours, I struggle. I know that there is nothing on my to-do list that is particularly urgent and honestly, I just can’t be bothered. The thing is, it goes against my moral standards not to be doing what I’me being paid for. Part of me thinks that I should just commit to going in to the office on my work from home day so I know that I’ll knuckle down, but I love the flexibility of working from home; I can bum around in my joggers, I can sort a bit of washing out and be home if I need to receive a delivery. This is all well and good if I get the work done. And like I say, if I’m busy, I can commit no problem, it’s just now when there’s no made rush to get things done that I can’t seem to get motivated.
It got to the point where I almost chose to read the Daily Mail instead of writing my blog. Thankfully, I made the right choice and even though I didn’t feel like I had anything to write about, I showed up to the page. I do this all the time, get a burst of motivation only for it to burn out very quickly.
I suppose I need to think about the positive though, I haven’t turned to food, I have exercised, I have written for today, I haven’t read any crap on the internet or been on Facebook. Actually, other than feeling guilty because I haven’t worked as hard as I should’ve; I’ve not done too bad. I know as well that the reason I don’t work as hard as I could sometimes is that my job, as lucky as I am to have it and as great as my employers are, is not my dream job. And I know that by getting all of the other stuff right, I’ll be on my way to making the career changes that I want to make. One step at a time, day by day, even at a snails pace 🙂