This week has been a nightmare. Let me put this statement into context; nothing serious has happened, nobody has died or anything like that, but in terms of personal growth it has been a very bad week.
I don’t know whether there was something going on with the moon and mercury was in retrograde AGAIN but I felt like I went bat shit crazy.
It started Tuesday last week with some mild moaning at work; this is not like me because I want everybody there to like me (seriously, they think I’m this mid mannered, always sunny person without a bad word to say about anyone). I tried to laugh it off but when I went to my car, already late to get Grace from school, to find that I was blocked in, I turned into Anger from Inside Out, all fire shooting from my head and shit. I’m not the most competent or confident of drivers at the best of times and no joke I was millimetres from ripping the side of my car off. Hours of manoeuvring later (OK ten minutes), I was out, only to be met with a double parking situation at the car park entrance, where I had to squeeze my 4×4 though a laughable gap (I breathed in with all my might).
So a month ago I decided to become a vegan. No, I take that back; I don’t want to subscribe to any labels…. a month ago, I gave up eating dairy. I realise that veganism is much more than not eating animals or animal products, it’s a complete lifestyle choice and I’m not quite there yet.
This isn’t a decision that I’ve taken lightly. I first went vegetarian around ten years ago but even before that, I never felt comfortable eating meat. When eating from a bone all I could see was animal and if I got a piece of gristle while chewing, I couldn’t finish my meal. I was always queasy when eating meat and could best get through a meal when it was disguised as something else or covered in a sauce. I didn’t question it though because it was all I’d ever known. Back then, being a vegetarian wasn’t as widespread as it is now and restaurants were not very accommodating, all stuffed peppers or mushrooms, ugh, I lasted a year, then ate a steak.
Then almost three years ago, on New Years day, I tentatively gave it another go, putting zero pressure on myself; just to see how I felt with a limited mean intake. From that day, I never knowingly ate meat again (there was that one time that a restaurant put bacon in my omelette…..). It was easy. It was obviously the right time for me because I have never once missed it and finding suitable replacements has never been an issue – there is so much more on the menu for vegetarians these days.
It was my birthday a couple of days ago; I was 39. For the last year though, I have been telling everyone that I am “almost 40”, and I have even booked part of my 40th birthday celebrations already (a girls trip to Ibiza to experience the laid back yoga vibe and the party scene – balance, you know) so turning 39 feels pretty good; like I’ve just been given a bonus year. This, for some reason, has made me determined to spend the next year working on myself so that when I do actually reach the big 4 0, I am ready for it. I want to know myself and be happy with how I look and feel…I want to have found inner peace damn it!!!
April has come and gone in the blink of an eye. It was March…and now it is May; how the hell did that happen? I was mega busy. My sister-in-law was away for much of the month which meant juggling three children between two homes and three different schools. Then Grace and I (with family) went to Disney Land Paris for five days, which as you can imagine, was no walk in the park. Ha ha, OK, so literally we did walk in the park, but it was a short break with no break AT ALL.
I surprised myself though. I have been to Disney Land Paris before, with my sister ten of more years ago, and my over riding memory from the trip was STRESS. This time around, I knew that the weather wouldn’t be “Florida”, I knew there would be lots of “I want” from Grace, I knew there would be queues and I thought it would be a watered down version of the real thing so I was concerned that I wouldn’t enjoy it. Instead of engaging with that, I decided to go with an open mind, without expectation and just see how it went. Plus, the main reason we were going was to support my nephew and niece who were performing there with their drama group so that was more important than anything else.